DENNIS SULLIVAN BUYS A TWO-HANDED FORD

DENNIS SULLIVAN BUYS A TWO-HANDED FORD
By Uncle Dick Sullivan (William Fletcher Sullivan)

Dennis sold his horse and wagon the other day,
And the two-handed rascal throwed his money right away.
Rode into town settin’ on a board,
Come home riding in a two-handed Ford.
(No, I believe it was a Buick.)

The doggone Buick keeps right on going,
The doggone Buick keeps right ahead.
The doggone Buick keeps on going,
And it’ll keep on going till Dennis is dead.

When he got to the house and turned towards the gate,
He shut down the throttle and he put on the brake;
He grabbed for the reins,
Got the throttle instead.
And the doggone Buick kept pluggin’ right ahead.

Dennis jerked at the levers,
And he turned off the gas;
He kicked at the pedals till he broke out the glass
He cut all the wires and he pulled off the top,
But the doggone Buick just wouldn’t stop.

So he pulled out his knife and he smiled all serene,
Cut a hole in the tank,
Drained out the gasoline.
He pulled out his gun and shot the tires full of lead,
But the doggone Buick kept pluggin’ right ahead.

Dennis went right through the fence and up through the lane.
Jack saw him coming and he almost went insane.
Jack ran out ahead and he stopped to see
And the old Buick struck him
Where his bustle ought to be.

Jack stuck out his arms as he went into the air,
Just as Dennis went by Jack grabbed him by the hair.
He bounded on the seat,
Landed on the pad,
And the doggone Buick kept pluggin’ right ahead

Dennis steered for the shed, but just missed the hole;
Struck an old sow,
And you ought to seen her roll.
Then out through the yard, they landed in a heap
In a big mud hole about six feet deep.

Dennis grabbed for Jack and struck for the shore.
He was glad it stopped
And would go no more.
He pricked up his ears, looked back and he said,
“That doggone Buick is pluggin’ right ahead.”